{"id":28120,"date":"2018-12-05T12:59:17","date_gmt":"2018-12-05T12:59:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/thevoiceoflondon.co.uk\/?p=28120"},"modified":"2018-12-05T12:59:17","modified_gmt":"2018-12-05T12:59:17","slug":"childfree-and-proud-pt-1-mombies-daddicts-and-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.westminster.ac.uk\/thevoiceoflondon\/childfree-and-proud-pt-1-mombies-daddicts-and-me\/","title":{"rendered":"Childfree and Proud pt. 1 &#8211; Mombies, daddicts and me"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u201cI have been called a mutant and told that I lack the maternal gene\u201d Jena, 32, lives a pretty normal life and considers her family complete without kids playing around her house. A few years ago, she even paid for her husband\u2019s vasectomy as a gift when they got married and never looked back. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Kirsty went through a similar process by getting a sterilisation first and, more recently, a total hysterectomy (a procedure that has the uterus and ovaries removed). <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">For these two women, the word \u201cdoubt\u201d never existed in their vocabularies despite being looked down on whenever they expressed their ideas in public.<br \/>\n<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<div id='gallery-1' class='gallery galleryid-28120 gallery-columns-3 gallery-size-thumbnail'><dl class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<dt class='gallery-icon portrait'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/blog.westminster.ac.uk\/thevoiceoflondon\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/64\/2018\/12\/BVy9ZAW0-2.jpg'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" src=\"https:\/\/blog.westminster.ac.uk\/thevoiceoflondon\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/64\/2018\/12\/BVy9ZAW0-2-150x150.jpg\" class=\"attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail\" alt=\"\" aria-describedby=\"gallery-1-28122\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/dt>\n\t\t\t\t<dd class='wp-caption-text gallery-caption' id='gallery-1-28122'>\n\t\t\t\tKirsty \n\t\t\t\t<\/dd><\/dl><dl class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<dt class='gallery-icon portrait'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/blog.westminster.ac.uk\/thevoiceoflondon\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/64\/2018\/12\/EWfG19gr-2.jpg'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" src=\"https:\/\/blog.westminster.ac.uk\/thevoiceoflondon\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/64\/2018\/12\/EWfG19gr-2-150x150.jpg\" class=\"attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail\" alt=\"\" aria-describedby=\"gallery-1-28123\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/dt>\n\t\t\t\t<dd class='wp-caption-text gallery-caption' id='gallery-1-28123'>\n\t\t\t\tJena\n\t\t\t\t<\/dd><\/dl><dl class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<dt class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/blog.westminster.ac.uk\/thevoiceoflondon\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/64\/2018\/12\/KuxQF-MQ_400x400-3.jpg'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" src=\"https:\/\/blog.westminster.ac.uk\/thevoiceoflondon\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/64\/2018\/12\/KuxQF-MQ_400x400-3-150x150.jpg\" class=\"attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail\" alt=\"\" aria-describedby=\"gallery-1-28124\" srcset=\"https:\/\/blog.westminster.ac.uk\/thevoiceoflondon\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/64\/2018\/12\/KuxQF-MQ_400x400-3-150x150.jpg 150w, https:\/\/blog.westminster.ac.uk\/thevoiceoflondon\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/64\/2018\/12\/KuxQF-MQ_400x400-3-300x300.jpg 300w, https:\/\/blog.westminster.ac.uk\/thevoiceoflondon\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/64\/2018\/12\/KuxQF-MQ_400x400-3.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/dt>\n\t\t\t\t<dd class='wp-caption-text gallery-caption' id='gallery-1-28124'>\n\t\t\t\tRebi\n\t\t\t\t<\/dd><\/dl><br style=\"clear: both\" \/>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u201cYou will change your mind when it\u2019s your own\u201d seems to be the most common response women and men tend to get when the kids subject arise in family gatherings or conversations with strangers in the dentist\u2019s wait room. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u201cI can\u2019t imagine talking to a friend and they say that they want three children and me replying you will change your mind\u201d Jena explains. And she is right, first you would be incredibly rude and secondly they would rightfully tell you to mind your own business.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>See also: <a href=\"http:\/\/thevoiceoflondon.co.uk\/women-around-europe-are-saying-no-to-more-than-one-child-new-study-suggests\/\">Women around Europe are saying &#8220;no&#8221; to more than one child<\/a><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">But social pressure, coming from an established majority towards a perceived minority group is a real thing. We all feel it in our daily lives, whether it is in dressing in a certain way, choosing a career path over another or having children to \u201ccomplete\u201d the family. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">It is just one of those milestones that you need to achieve to get what is usually defined in literature and movies as a simple, reassuring and safe lifestyle.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">But for some it is just not meant to be. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">When she was just four, Kirsty went to a school fair where \u201cone of the teachers was dressed up as a fortune-teller in a tent, so my sister and I went in to get our palms read. \u00a0The fortune-teller told me I\u2019d have 4 kids, I ran out of there screaming and crying to my mum, sobbing that I never ever wanted babies, I was extremely upset over i<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">t.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">And she is not the only one. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Rebi is 28, and just like Kirsty and Jena she always knew that her future plans did not include little toddlers.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Growing up in a small conservative town she didn\u2019t know that people like her existed until dear old Reddit came to the rescue. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">She insists that the stereotype of childfree people \u201chating kids\u201d is, for the most part, not true (Kirsty for example used to work in education and her partner currently works in a school) and that what many of them find tough is dealing with parents.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u201cMombies\u201d and \u201cdaddicts\u201d (from the union of the words mom and zombie and dad and addicts) are those parents who \u201ccomplain about being a parent but when you say you don\u2019t want kids backtrack and tell you it\u2019s the best thing in the world\u201d.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">What is really troubling for the childfree community, Rebi adds, is the special treatment that some of them feel entitled to claim because they are parents such as better seats on plane or work schedules that accommodate their family needs.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Another hot topic for them is the almost total absence of functional, happy childfree women in the media. Jena explains that childless women are portrayed on TV movies and series \u00a0as single, cold, workaholics who are having \u201cincomplete lives that need to be fulfilled by having kids\u201d. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Bernadette, the quirky and smart microbiologist from The Big Bang Theory used to be the community\u2019s hero for being so vocal in the fourth season towards her motherhood rejection \u201cuntil the writers got lazy, and of all the characters available, decided to hang the pregnancy storyline on Bernadette \u201c both Kirsty and Rebi explain. To them it felt like a betrayal and a reinforcement that a fulfilling existence can only be achieved through children. <\/span><\/p>\n<div id=\"attachment_28126\" style=\"width: 310px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-28126\" class=\"wp-image-28126 size-medium\" src=\"http:\/\/blog.westminster.ac.uk\/thevoiceoflondon\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/64\/2018\/12\/CLH3PhbI-300x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-28126\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Kirsty&#8217;s mice with the two newest members Tunnan and Draken<\/p><\/div>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">But, they also insist in saying that there is so much more to life than kids to make one\u2019s life worth. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Kirsty, for example has spent years working with horses before her illness considerably reduced her walking abilities, adopting and fostering different kind of pets from dogs to mice. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Being an experienced owner she usually looks for the animals who are less likely to be adopted by other people as to her \u201cmore fulfilling knowing that you are helping someone who otherwise would be left behind\u201d.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Part <a href=\"http:\/\/thevoiceoflondon.co.uk\/childfree-and-proud-pt-2-by-the-grace-of-god\/?fbclid=IwAR3WmwBc0Ac0wDnXgdTOfTUNBiknbIWLf0T1i07QKsUAex_q8NaMv5gJe20\">two<\/a> of \u201cChildfree and Proud\u201d will be available this Friday and will focus on the impact of religion as the main push for procreation, how physical disabilities impact the traditional perception of woman=mother and mothers who regret having had their kids. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>Words: Benedetta Laterza | Subbing: Laureta Doci<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u201cI have been called a mutant and told that I lack the maternal gene\u201d Jena, 32, lives a pretty normal life and considers her family complete without kids playing around her house. A few years&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":476,"featured_media":28170,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[53,75,114,115],"tags":[1298,5728,6957],"class_list":["post-28120","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-feminism-2","category-investigations","category-society","category-specials","tag-childfree","tag-society","tag-women"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.westminster.ac.uk\/thevoiceoflondon\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28120","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.westminster.ac.uk\/thevoiceoflondon\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.westminster.ac.uk\/thevoiceoflondon\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.westminster.ac.uk\/thevoiceoflondon\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/476"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.westminster.ac.uk\/thevoiceoflondon\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=28120"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/blog.westminster.ac.uk\/thevoiceoflondon\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28120\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.westminster.ac.uk\/thevoiceoflondon\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/28170"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.westminster.ac.uk\/thevoiceoflondon\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=28120"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.westminster.ac.uk\/thevoiceoflondon\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=28120"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.westminster.ac.uk\/thevoiceoflondon\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=28120"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}